A Modern Psalm of Mourning

A Modern Psalm of Mourning
by Short Girl

I tried to speak and my words leaked from my eyes.

So, I bathed in my tears and tried to drown pain

But, she would not give up the ghost.

I thought maybe I could run from her --

but, pain was an ever present pursuer

hot and hurting, like a thousand pounds - heavy on my heart.

What do I do with this shadow - this darkness that consumes?

Hope is flickering - a light faintly sensed

A remembering from a time when dreams burned bright

Where do I go? I am alone.

What do I do? I am afraid.

What will become of me? My answers have faded.

God, I have trusted in You. I have called out to You.

I have placed my hope in You and said, “I will not grow weary.”

But, weariness came - a twisted sister of pain

And now, I am lost and without strength.

My children look for me and I am, no more.

They are hurting and wounded and I am bleeding out

before I can bind their wounds or stroke their faces.

Rescue me - in my weakness. Shelter me - in your strength.

Let me abide in the shadow of the Most High.

I will wait for you, Lord - even as my hope grows faint

Lead me to the Rock that is higher than I.

Lead me beside cool waters that will cleanse my soul.

Speak to my heart and heal it. Lead me to a clear path.

Show me your way, when I cannot find any way.

Illuminate the dark places of my heart

This beautiful - brutal - life is the life I have.

Be with me in the midst of it - save me from my self.

I will say to my soul - look up. I will say to my heart - have hope.

For God does not grow weary or faint -

He knows pain, but is not overcome by it.

He is the God who turns dirt into beauty

He breathes His will and the whole earth is filled.

He is the God who speaks Life out of death.

Oh God, you are my God and I will ever seek You.

For you are my only hope and my salvation.

I will say to myself, God is good and His goodness will I seek.

I will not give up - I will wrestle until broken and beg for the blessing.

I may limp all my days, but I am confident of this

I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.